Jensen Family

yeah for new jobs.....taboo topics!!

2012-01-19T15:42:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to have my hubby home for nights soon. Even if it is only for a few months! I feel so blessed to even be getting this opportunity! God is SOOO good!

I have met with and talked with a lot of women lately who have recently or previously gone through a miscarriage and one thing I don't get is why is it such a taboo topic? It has helped so much talking to these ladies especially since we have gone through similar tragedies! I just dont get why so many people feel the need to keep quiet, because every time I open up I feel so much more at peace.

Each new life... No matter how fragile or brief... Forever changes the world. *Unknown*

New Job!!!

2012-01-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

Praise the Lord...Josh finally got a new job after about 4 years of trying!!! He is still at Purina and will still be working a crappy shift but he finally has a job which will allow him to start moving up within the company or that will allow him to go for other jobs at another company in the future! We are excited and blessed that God has allowed for Josh to get a different job! Josh should be starting the new job soon and until Sept will be working the day shift while he has training! The boys are so excited that they will get to see their dad more...at least for awhile!

update on Kaden's eyes / LIFE

2012-01-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

We went down to Phoenix on Thursday to go to the Pediatric Eye Dr for Kaden and we got VERY encouraging news. The Dr feels we FINALLY got the right prescription and that there does not appear to be any permanent damage at this time. He wants us back in 4 months but until then things are looking good!

Other than Kaden's eyes, life just seems to be going wrong. I am so confused, frustrated, mad, and discouraged right now.

1st - I am really struggling to get on with my life after loss and am having a really hard time. I want a baby so bad and feel so alone and empty.

2nd - I am so sick of Josh working nights!!! We were told that there was a job that was perfect for him and after applying and interviewing we were told that they had someone who was more qualified! We feel so incredibly let down and mad! We have been told once again about another job but feel uncertain towards it!

We are praying that God will direct us in family and in work, and that we will put our COMPLETE trust in him!

Eyes and a possible different Job

2011-12-27T13:26:00.000-08:00

Next week on Thursday, Kaden and I will be heading down to the valley for another eye appointment. We will be finding out if there is any permanent damage done to Kaden's eyes. We are praying that we will find out good news but we are hopeful that everything will be perfect, as perfect as it can be anyways! So far it appears that his glasses are better for him and I am hopeful that the Dr will agree! Since getting his new glasses Kaden has started doing amazing in school, he is finally reading and seems to see so much better. I still have a hard time with the fact that he has such poor eyesight but hopefully we can get things under control with his eyes.

Josh recently applied for a new job...one where he would work days. We are supposed to hear back from them next week of if he got the job or not. We are really praying that he will so he can be home with us at night. We are trusting that God will really direct us and if this is not the right job that God will guide us to the next step and hopefully a new job!

Grieving...

2011-12-22T14:03:00.000-08:00

Life has been slowly moving on! I still feel an incredible loss which is so hard to explain! It has been an emotional couple of months and I am so glad to have God, a wonderful family, and great friends to help me through this journey! Yesterday I received a devotional from a good friend called "Grieving the Child I Never Knew," by Kathe Wunnenberg. So far it has been a huge encouragement and has really helped me in realizing that my thoughts and feelings are normal for a woman who has just had a miscarriage. Today while I was reading the book, I came to a letter that the author wrote for her children that she will never get to know, this letter describes how I feel completely so I wanted to share it. This letter was from Kathe Wunnenberg, in her book "Grieving the Child I never Knew"

Dear Precious one,

For those few weeks I had you to myself my life was changed profoundly
You were hidden beneath my heart and my love for you grew in it.
You came to trust me with your life. Oh, what a life I had planned for you!
When I lost you, I lost a lifetime of hopes, plans, dreams, and aspirations. Part of my future simply vanished overnight. There wasn't enough time to convince others how special and important you were. You are gone, but others aren't mourning your passing.
They tell me that no normal person would cry all night over a tiny, unfinished baby, or get depressed and withdraw day after day. No one else would, so why am I?
You were there just those few weeks, my little one. You darted in and out of my life to quickly, but it seems that's all the time you needed to leave your signature on my heart and give me a small glimpse of eternity.

Love, Mommy

I am so grateful to have found ways that I can grieve and get help grieving my baby! I am so thankful that God has shown me ways to help me and that I can truly see God helping me through this trial!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-16T21:53:00.001-08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!

life goes on...

2011-12-16T20:49:00.001-08:00

"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too PRECIOUS to forget!"

It is so hard for life to continue on...I feel like I am stuck in this nightmare which is NEVER ending. Many people say I should be over it and how can I still be hurting because I was "not that pregnant." I think that I once believed that, until I went through this storm myself. People wonder why I am still grieving over my loss and they assume that everything is fine, because the miscarriage part is over, but I don't think there will ever be a day that I won't grieve over my precious baby! My grandma was recently in town and provided me with a lot of comfort and strength. My grandma lost my grandpa last year and she really helped me in realizing that it is okay to grieve even when people think I should be healed. She told me even when I am healed that I will still grieve and it is normal and okay! I am so thankful for my grandma and her encouraging words, prayers, and wisdom. I know that having a miscarriage is nothing compared to losing your spouse of 60 years, but I am thankful for her helpful words. I found a couple quotes that I just loved about grief!

"Grief is like an earthquake. The first one hits you and the world falls apart. Even after you put the world together again there are aftershocks, and you never really know when those will come." Lynne B. Hughes.

"Grief lasts longer than sympathy, which is one of the tragedies of the grieving.” ~Unknown~

This has been one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and I still feel so empty and alone. I know I am not alone but it often feels this way. God has truly blessed me and showed me his presence through having my miscarriage naturally after weeks of prayer. He has also blessed me through providing me with a GREAT group of women who are all going through the same thing as me. I have felt so much comfort with these ladies and I am so thankful that I met them, so we can comfort and help each other through these difficult times.

ON ANOTHER NOTE:

My hubby has an interview on Monday for a DAY job! We are praying that God would send us and the company clear guidance and that he would direct us to where we need to be. We are praying that he would get this job so he can FINALLY be with us at night but if not that we will be content with his current job!

God is Good

2011-11-29T19:29:00.000-08:00

GOD IS GOOD!!!

I went into my appointment today and was completely shocked, excited, sad, and happy all in a matter of seconds! I was shocked and excited to find out that the piece of placenta was gone and that I no longer needed surgery! I was sad because I feel empty, and sad that I will not be holding my baby (until God decides its my time to go home! =)). I feel happy that the miscarriage is over and that God answered my prayer by allowing it to happen naturally! I love when you can see miracles unfold in front of your eyes, it is such a reminder that God is with you in the good times and the bad! I feel I can finally move on and continue with the healing and mourning process. When I left my doctors I felt happy for the first time in weeks.

I thank God for providing me with great family and friends who have helped me through this storm in my life, without them I couldn't continue on.

“We have suffered, but we have survived; We are hurting, but we are enduring.” -Ben Van Vechten

In the midst of a storm

2011-11-28T19:48:00.000-08:00

It has been almost a month since I found out that our baby was gone! It has been a hard month full of struggles, emotions, heartache, and fear! I am so ready for this storm to pass. I have had multiple trips (6 to be exact not counting tomorrows appointment) to the doctor since I found out the baby was gone. It is always hard going to the gyno's when all you want is to be pregnant and you are surrounded by happy, pregnant women. I just want to scream every-time I go in there. I am praying that tomorrow is the last time I have to go for awhile. Tomorrow I find out if I will be having a D&C due to a piece of placenta being stuck. It will be an absolute miracle if I don't have to have surgery and I am not expecting to hear that because the only way that will happen is if a miracle happened! I am still praying for that miracle so that I don't have to have surgery...but I am okay if I have to have surgery, mainly due to the fact that I have been going through this for so long and I feel as though I can't fully mourn until the miscarriage is complete. As of now I have surgery scheduled for Thursday because my dr said if the miscarriage is not complete I am prone to infection and I would have to do surgery immediately!

Through the stress of the miscarriage and emotions/hormones going crazy, our family has really become a closer unit! It has been hard but I love the tenderness and love shown from my 4 boys (Josh and the 3 boys). It has shown me that with each other and God's love we can make it through storms together!

God has a reason for allowing things to happen. We may never understand his wisdom, but we simply have to trust his will.

Beyond frustrated

2011-11-18T12:47:00.000-08:00

I am so frustrated. I just went to my doctors this morning and I miscarried the sac/baby but still have a big clot associated with everything! I am so mad....I really wanted to do all this natural and I am frustrated that it has been almost 2 weeks and I still have not miscarried everything! I have to start taking the meds today to attempt to get rid of everything...but if that doesn't work then I will have to go in for a D&C. I am so upset. This has just made everything even worse. I finally felt like I was able to get over everything and move on...then this happens and I have all the same emotions all over again. It is so hard and I just want to sit and cry! I don't understand why it takes so long to miscarry and why it is so difficult to get everything out. It makes the mourning and everything that much harder because the trial keeps continuing on. I know that I will never know why God aloud for this to happen and why it has been such a struggle to actually miscarry, but I am continuing to give it to God and trusting that he still has me in his hands even through everything is such a mess. I am praying that God will help me through this trial!

Feeling alone!

2011-11-09T20:23:00.000-08:00

"God I would have loved to hold my baby on my lap and teach them about you, but since I never got that chance will you hold my baby on your Lap and teach them about me"

Life after loss

2011-11-08T15:21:00.000-08:00

Wow it has been awhile since I have posted on here and it seems like the only time I post is when I just need to get out my feelings and this is the only way!

Josh and I found out around Oct 10th that we would be expecting our 4th baby! At first I was not too excited because I had just become content with only having our 3 boys. It took a couple weeks but I started to get really excited. I was feeling morning sickness and everything seemed to be on track. Then a couple weeks later I started cramping really bad which I was told is normal once you have had children before...but my dr decided to do an ultrasound just to make sure. So we went in on Nov 1st. At that point I should have been at least 7 weeks pregnant and I was sure it was closer to 9 weeks along. The ultrasound tech found the baby but it was only measuring 5 weeks and 1 day. So the dr and ultrasound tech decided that they would give me another week because sometimes babies grow differently or my dates could be off. So they sent me on my way and told me that they didn't really know what to expect and that it could go either way. So we scheduled an appointment for Nov 7th. The whole week I was anxious and freaking out because I did not want to lose this baby! Finally on Saturday, I was filled with peace and I just knew that everything was going to be okay and that God was holding me and that everything would be fine! So Monday came and I was calm and excited to see the miracle that would happen before my eyes. We went in and the ultrasound tech began doing the ultrasound and the sac was there but the baby was gone. All I heard was "I am so sorry". So we got dressed went out to the FULL waiting room and had to wait to get called back to see our Dr. It was awful not only was I in a full waiting room but surrounded by pregnant women, or women with new babies. I felt all eyes on me as I had tears running down my face. They finally called us back to a room and we waited and waited for what seemed like forever! Finally my dr came in and said, "I am so sorry you guys." She let us know we had a blighted ovum, which basically means that the baby could not develop past 6 weeks and that it eventually dissolves into the sac. She said that in this type of pregnancy their are chromosome issues which cause it not to fully develop. As of that ultrasound the baby was not in the sac and the sac had stopped growing. The dr let me know of my options, and so Josh and I decided to try natural and then go with the pills at the end of the week, which would help in causing miscarriage. After we left we prayed and prayed over our loss and our baby who is now in Heaven. We prayed that God would have me miscarry on my own and that I wouldn't have to take the pills! That night God answered my prayer by allowing me to start miscarrying on my own. Josh and I are heartbroken over our loss and pray that God will continue to hold our family close as we deal with the loss of this precious baby!

Life

2011-04-13T11:37:00.001-07:00

Josh has officially applied to a couple positions at Gore so now we are waiting and praying. We are also thinking through the idea of Josh switching to 3rd shift (11pm-7am). We know this would be an ideal shift (of course nothing like first but we can't do anything about that) so that Josh can see the boys. I am really struggling with this because I know it would be even harder on our marriage as well as a struggle for me with having completely different schedules. I am praying that something will happen soon.

On a good note Kaden has really seemed to improve in school and it seems as if his glasses are really beneficial to him and that they really are helping him. I had my sister-in-law Kristin test him some since she is a first grade teacher and she believes that he will do fine next year. I am relieved and finally feel like there is nothing wrong with him besides poor eye sight. I still have to wonder if there is something more going on with his eyes and I am continually trying to give it to God. We have decided that next time we need to go to an eye doctor that we will take him to Phoenix to a children's specialist. I think that it is time to get to the bottom of it and determine if there is an underlying issue such as macula dystrophy (which was ruled out last year by a specialist).

Ashton is doing great and excelling in school. He is doing so good that we have decided to put him in Kindergarten next year. Brennan is doing good but is such a handful! He is very active and keeps himself busy all day long.

I am truly enjoying my boys!

APPLY APPLY APPLY

2011-04-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

Well Josh had his interview and he was offered a job...but he turned it down. There was going to be way to much traveling involved. Josh would be gone 50-75% of the time. It would have been a great opportunity going to Europe, Asia, and everywhere else you can think of. We would see Josh less then we see him now. Josh said he didn't want to miss everything with the kids and that he felt that this would not be for him. I am relieved yet sad at the same time. He was told by the company to keep checking the web site and that they have lots of management positions that are coming up closer to summer. So we will see. Josh is currently in the process of applying to Gore (luckily we know some people high up, so that should help) and Purina (although all these will be out of state). We hope that something will show up and that God would really show us where we should be and what Josh should be doing. So for now Josh is busy preparing resumes, and cover letters and I am busy proof reading! =-)

Challenges

2011-04-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

Along with the exciting post of possible changes yesterday come challenges that I feel. I think my biggest struggle is Kaden. I know that it was the best thing ever to hold Kaden back and that getting glasses for him has brought him back to where he should be. I am grateful for that and the fact that the only problem was his glasses. Thank the Lord it was nothing more. I still struggle with his poor eyesight and pray it doesn't get worse but I am grateful that poor eyesight is all it appears to be! =)

I have recently found that EVERYTHING revolves around a child's grade in school (cub scouts, AWANAS, Sunday school, certain sports...everything) This has been hard for me because most of his friends continued on grade wise while we held Kaden back. So now that means his closest friends are a grade ahead of him so they are no longer in any groups anymore. This has been a huge struggle for me and for Kaden. He doesn't understand why his friends who are the same age and some younger are in older classes. It hurts me and I know it hurts him. I don't know how to deal with it or what to say anymore. I am hurting with him. After finally realizing this the other day, it made me realize that this is why I would not mind moving away from Flagstaff, that way Kaden can start over with friends who don't know he was held back. To me it seems like that will be easier for Kaden and for me. I know that this is no reason to move but it is VERY appealing! =)

We are still praying about Josh's job and where it will lead us. Josh has an interview tomorrow at one company and a meeting at his current job so we will see where this leads. Josh is also applying for a couple positions within Gore tomorrow. So it is exciting to see if any of these jobs lead anywhere. We are also going to begin the process of seeing if there is anything in Purina even if it is not in AZ. We are hoping to find something here but we will see where God directs us! =)

Possible changes???

2011-04-04T22:12:00.000-07:00

Just as I get frustrated with Josh's job, God shows us that he is here. We have been praying for years about Josh's job for years. God has told us NO several times and has taught us to be patient. We have recently started searching for other companies or other positions within Purina. Just last week I was talking with some people about a newer company which is expanding and was suggested by two people to contact them. I contacted them on Friday and was contacted on Sat for a pre-interview. Josh went in today for the pre-interview and was told that if he was interested that they would find a job for him. They told him about a few positions available but the owner highly suggested a few that he felt would really help Josh in being able to move up within the company. As soon as the pre-interview was done the own scheduled another interview for Wed in order to go over some logistics with the job and discuss the different jobs more as well as seeing what Josh is thinking. It sounds VERY promising but Josh and I are trying to determine if this is what God wants for us.

Today after Josh finished his interview he received information on another job, which he was informed about back in September. So this coming Wed not only does he have an interview for this other job but he also has a meeting for the second job. It is just exciting to see this because we can see God at work. We know that God might say no about both of these jobs but it has helped us just by seeing that God really does care and that he has our best interest at heart. We are excited to see if anything happens out of these meetings/ interviews. If anything we at least know that Josh will get practice in interviewing! =)

frustrations

2011-03-28T21:18:00.000-07:00

I know it seems as though whenever I post it is because I am going through some trial. I think that I have found that writing helps me in dealing with all of life's little trials. =-)

I am really having a hard time with Josh's job right now...with Kaden going into first grade and Ashton going into Kindergarten I know that if Josh has the same job, that they will never see each other. Josh and I have really been praying about what to do and have decided to begin the search of another job in another company. This is tough especially since their are not many jobs out there and any jobs which are out there are highly sought after. We had hoped to stay in Purina, but have come to the realization that they don't really care to help employees move up within the company even though they paid for his education. =-) At least Josh got a degree from them. We are hoping for God's direction in what we should do and where to go. I also want patience as my patience is growing thin and I am getting more and more frustrated as time goes on.

Fears

2011-02-15T19:26:00.002-08:00

I don't know why it is easier for me to type things then to talk...but oh well. We are still dealing with the same stuff with Kaden's eyes although it does appear that the glasses seem to help most of the time...but then there are times when he says the glasses make his eyes blurry so I feel that we have not gone anywhere with his eyes and I am SO frustrated. I just want closure and to be able to help Kaden. I know I am also concerned about him being teased with wearing glasses and that scares me. I just want to protect my baby, and it is hard for me seeing my six year old having to wear glasses with a prescription that I can't even see through because it is so strong.

Then there is Kaden's schooling. We held him back last year and had him repeat Kindergarten but he is still not at the level that he should be and it scares me. His teacher had wanted to do testing for a learning disability but after him getting his classes the teacher has seen improvements so she no longer wants to test. I am still trying to push for it because I still think there is something going on. I know as a parent, that I always have the worst thoughts and fears about stuff with my kids, but I keep thinking what if I am not wrong, what if there is something more going on. It has been hard for me to tell the teacher I still want the testing and that I think she is wrong. I just keep asking God for wisdom on if I need to continue pushing or give in and trust the teacher.

LIFE

2011-01-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading the book "Choosing to See" and I am amazed at how much I learned from this book. I may not have had a tragedy such as the Chapman family but seeing their faith and hearing their story has helped me in seeing my issue in a new light. My main issue is Josh's job and Kaden's eyes...none of which compare to losing a child, but with reading this book I have realized that even when it feels as though I am alone and that God doesn't care that he really does. I may not see his hand in every aspect of my life...but he is there in everything big and small. I may not get the answers to my questions when I want them or the way I want them...but God is always answering my prayers. In the book, Mary Beth Chapman talks about begging God for her daughter to be alive and well, then she later on goes on saying that she doesn't like the answer she got but that God did answer her and her daughter is alive and well in Heaven with him and that he is taking care of her. I think too many times we think our prayers are not answered because we didn't get what we wanted but in the end God will ALWAYS answer our prayers...but in His own way and in His timing. This book has really aloud me to see God for who he is as well as seeing Him as being in charge of EVERYTHING. It has helped me in dealing with Josh's job as well as the uncertainties of Kaden's eyes. I have learned that getting upset about Josh's job or Kaden's eyes wont help anything and that I just need to give it to God and patiently wait on God's PERFECT timing. God is so GOOD!

Choosing to see

2011-01-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

I am not normally a big reader but I recently started reading a book that my mom passed on to me called "Choosing to See" by Mary Beth Chapman. I can't put the book down. Mary Beth Chapman is such an amazing woman who has dealt with many struggles as well as the death of her little girl. Her book has really caused me to look at my life as well as looking at my relationship with God. It has helped me in putting my trust in God even when things don't seem to be going the way I think or feel that they should. This book has helped me in being able to see God's love in everything big or small.

This book has also put thoughts of adoption back in my head. Josh and I have occasionally talked about this but through reading this book it has put the desire back in my heart. One funny thing is of course I really want a girl but with thinking about this...I think I would be okay with a little boy. This is something I never thought I would even think about especially after having 3 boys!! Josh and I would like to start getting more information on the process as we pray over this issue. We know at this point that we can not afford it...but we also know that if it is God's will God will direct us and provide for it. We have decided to really pray over this in order to know which way God is leading.

Life as we get close to the New Year

2010-12-14T18:58:00.000-08:00

Life has been crazy here. We went in for Kaden's 5th eye exam in a year...counting his school eye exam. Our of all exams it has shown Kaden's eye sight to be very different. The first test was (20/50, 20/60), the second showed (20/30, 20/30), the third showed almost perfect, the fourth showed (20/50, 20/60), the fifth showed (20/100, 20/200). So huge difference causing major stress as well as lots of prayer. Kaden has gotten his second pair of glasses and one min he will wear them and say he sees better but then a little while later he takes them off. This leads us to believe that maybe his eye sight comes and goes. The dr said that would be very rare but that she is not going to rule it out so we head back in to the eye dr in Jan...which will possibly lead us to a childrens eye specialist. We are just praying for answers so that if there is something going on that we can begin to fix it or work with it. Kaden is such a tender-hearted little boy and is such a help to me with his brothers.

Onto Ashton...he is so much like me, and NOT in a good way! =) He has attitude and has definitely been my biggest struggle. I remember my mom telling me that payback will be when I have a kid that is strong-willed like me. I would tell her that I was praying to have a kid like me because I would know what to do with them, and that I didnt want a quiet, shy kid because I would be bored with it! BOY was I wrong, I wish I had a quiet kid! I have really understood what I put my parents through! Sorry dad and mom! On the other hand Ashton has this funny sense of humor and brings so much laughter to our family. He is always dancing funny, laughing at himself, cracking jokes, and making funny faces . He has learned to use these tools when he is being punished because he knows Josh and I start laughing. Ashton is also very sweet and loving and is always ready to give a hug to those in need.

Brennan has been such a joy...but I have a feeling he is going to be a very busy boy! He gets into EVERYTHING. It is the first time that I have actually had to use child locks on doors and cabinets. He is a good eater except for the fact that he wont touch veggies or anything healthy. He is such a happy little boy though. He is beginning to walk some but likes crawling more because he can get from here to there a lot faster!

Josh is doing good and is staying busy at Purina as they are in the middle of their busy season. He is still hoping for a different job, one where he can actually use his degree. As of January he is no longer stuck at Purina and he will begin looking into other companies for other jobs. We are just praying the God will direct us to a job which will be stable and with no risk of being let go, even if that means staying at Purina in the same job and crappy shift. If this is God's answer I pray that Josh and I become content with Josh's job and schedule.

I am just enjoying the 4 guys in my life and feeling blessed for the family that God has given me. I just recently had my gallbladder removed and was reminded of my families love by all the love and care they gave to me while I was recovering. I am so grateful for my wonderful husband who loves the Lord, and works hard to support me and the boys. He is such a blessing to me.

We are excited to see what the new year will bring and we look forward to seeing where God will lead us.

Some answers for Brennan and frustrations AGAIN!!!

2010-09-18T08:31:00.001-07:00

We got a call from Brennan's Dr the other day letting us know that she received his test results. He had quit a few areas where his numbers where either too high or too low. They said that they feel it is due to his fever and dehydration. One of the numbers which was higher then normal was his white blood cell count. Once the doctor told me all the numbers, I asked if she was concerned. There was a long pause and she said yes we are concerned with the numbers and that they are going to keep a close eye on Brennan as well as most likely testing him again. We go back in on Monday to weigh him again and to determine where we go now...If he is not gaining weight then they will send him to a GI specialist as well as send him to get some more tests done. I am hoping to get some more definite answers on Monday so that I can find peace and not have to worry about Brennan.

Now to the frustrations!!!! There is a job at Purina which was the reason Josh even started school 4 years ago. We have been waiting and waiting and waiting for them to post it. They usually post it every year in Aug (it is an internship)...it is still not posted so Josh talked with the HR lady at his work. Well he heard back from her today and they only offered that job to people in house and they had already hired the people for that position. We are so frustrated that Josh wasn't even given the opportunity to get the job...now we feel stuck and see no end to the night shift or his current job. We are so mad with Purina and frustrated that they are not even willing to help Josh in moving up especially since they put over $30 thousand into Josh's schooling. At least we got the schooling out of them...but it seems like the 5 years he has been at Purina is down the drain!

More patience!!

2010-09-14T22:22:00.001-07:00

I have decided that I am NOT a patient person...yet I keep praying for patience and God keeps giving it to me or testing my patience. Once again I am being tested and I always think it is the hardest when your kids are involved. Brennan has been sick off and on for 1 1/2 months now with: fever, not eating, not drinking, throwing up, diarrhea, sleeping all the time, cranky, screaming in pain, not peeing, losing weight, and just acting different then his normal self. We have taken him to the Dr a few times and nothing, well we took him in again today and they decided after him losing another pound in 2 weeks that it is time to run tests. So they attempted to give him a catheter which he HATED. I had to use ALL my weight in order to hold him down, he is a strong little boy. Well the catheter didn't work because he had NO urine in his bladder so they had to bag him so that I could collect his urine. He ended up not peeing for over 8 hours, it was pretty scary for me, but he finally did it. Now I have to collect his bowel movements which is NOT going to be fun. They also drew lots of blood in order to do lots of tests on him. They are testing from bladder infections, to cancer which is a scary thought for me. The poor guy did pretty good getting his blood drawn it did take three of us though, me holding him as tight as I could, a nurse to hold his arm straight, and the nurse to draw the blood. I felt so bad for him though because you could tell that it hurt, and he screamed the entire time. Anyways.....most of the testing is over and now it is a waiting game. God is giving me strength though and helping me to not worry about the unknown. It is the first time ever for me not freaking out and I know that God is giving me this peace and will help us through anything that is going on with my little man. I know that my littlest man is in God's hands and that God has his hand on anything that maybe going on with my little boy.

Frusterations

2010-07-28T14:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the vent I am just really struggling AGAIN with Josh's job and work schedule. It seems to have gotten harder having a husband that works nights. It is lonely and depressing and I am SOOO ready for a change. Josh has been working nights for over 7 years now and it is getting harder and harder. Sometimes I feel like a single mom and I feel like I miss out on so much time with other couples and church. In Aug there will be a lot of new jobs at Purina and we are hoping and praying that God will have a day job (using Josh's degree) that will be perfect for Josh. I may never understand why God keeps saying no for the jobs that have previously popped up, but I pray that I will have strength to make it through until Josh gets the job that God has in store for him.

SUMMER

It has been a fun summer with lots of family around and I really enjoyed spending most of it with my brothers and their families. Dan, Leslie, and kids where here until recently from South Africa and we had fun swimming with them, having the oldest kids in school together, going to movies, sleepovers, playdates, plays, and most of all Lake Powell. It was sad to see them go back home and they will be missed.

Kaden is playing soccer for the third year and is really enjoying it. For the first time I am not coaching and I actually miss it! Ashton is still our little jokester, always cracking jokes, and giving us his cute, yet silly grin. Brennan is ALL over the place and rolls to anywhere he wants. He is getting close to crawling so it wont be long until he gets into EVERYTHING!! My boys are three of the best things that have happened to me...and I enjoy seeing their thoughts and ideas come to play.

Unreal....and.....sad

2010-06-18T15:39:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago my wonderful grandpa passed away. It has been so unreal and yet sad at the same time. I think not being able to go to his services has really made it seem unreal to me. My grandpa will be missed though by all that knew and loved him. I am thankful that Brennan, my mom, and myself were able to go and visit my grandpa and grandma about a month before he passed. It meant a lot to me to have them meet Brennan and gave me and my mom some WONDERFUL last memories of my grandpa. We enjoyed seeing my grandpa crawl on the floor to play with Brennan and got to see him have fun holding his great-grandson. I am thankful that all my boys have been able to meet my grandpa especially since him and my grandma have meant so much to me throughout my life. We love you grandpa!!!

Wow it has been awhile

2010-02-28T17:22:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile since I posted...so I will give a brief update. Brennan, Ashton, and I have all been sick with Brennan actually having RSV and having to do breathing treatments in order to get his wheezing under control. He is doing much better now and we were so relieved that he never got so bad that he had to stay in the hospital. It was very scary with him sick though because he slept for over 22 hours a day and refused to eat. So glad he is better though! =)

We also just got back from a family vacation to California to Knotts Berry Farm and Midieval Times. The kids had a blast and it was so nice to get away and actually have a husband at night time! I think that is honestly my favorite part of vacations actually seeing my hubby for dinner and getting help putting my kids to bed. Brennan did really good driving to Cali but then decided he didn't want to be in his car-seat at all anymore so it was a LONG, TOUGH trip home. The boys were so excited to see Snoopy and they got to see snoopy every night at the hotel which was lots of fun too! Brennan was not too impressed with Snoopy and I think he cried every single time we saw snoopy! =) We went to Midieval times for Josh's birthday and the boys were just amazed with the dinner show...I dont think they took their eyes off the guys as they were fighting! The guy we were cheering for gave me a flower one of the times when he won and Kaden looked at Josh and said "Why is that guy giving my mom a flower??" He was very upset by that and we had to explain that they do that during their show and that it was just for fun! We had a blast though but we are glad to be home relaxing and getting back into a schedule.

Finally, Josh is still looking for a different job hopefully a day one or at least one which will begin the process of him moving up within the company. The only bad thing is that we are stuck at Purina until January of 2011 or else we owe them lots of money for Josh's schooling so we dont have many options of jobs which has been really frustrating. We are really praying for God to give patience to specifically me as I am desperately wanting Josh home at night.

I will try and post pictures soon of our trip and of the kiddos!

2009 is over!!!

2010-01-04T15:38:00.000-08:00

I feel like God has really blessed us throughout the past year. He has given us 3 amazing and adorable little boys, and I feel so blessed to be chosen to have 3 wonderful little boys. I never thought that I could have so much excitement with having three boys, but through wonderful friends and the understanding that God is in control, I have been able to be content and excited with my boys! I wouldn't have it any other way! =)

This year has really helped us in seeing that God is in control and that he can do anything. This was especially seen through Kaden's eyes and thinking that he may have life changing issues going on with his eyesight! God helped Josh and I in being able to trust Him through this difficult time, which helped us in turning to God and letting him hold us as we dealt with all the emotions. We have also learned to become patient while waiting for another job for Josh.

Josh and I have been able to see many sides of God throughout the year helping us to learn more about Him. We have been blessed this past year in many different ways and have enjoyed growing in our faith with Christ! We are anxious to see all that God will do in 2010.

Our newest family member!! and UPDATE on Kaden

2009-11-25T11:34:00.000-08:00

We are loving every min with our three boys. Brennan has really been a happy baby and is so much fun to just hold and cuddle with. He is my little cuddle bug! One Monday we took him in for his check up and were excited that he only lost 1/2 an ounce so he is eating well and doing great. He was also looking so good that the Dr took him off of his billi blanket so now he is much easier to cuddle with and we are grateful that the jaundice is no longer there. Kaden and Ashton love their baby brother and are always wanting to help with him and hold him. They are such good big brothers.

We took Kaden to the eye dr again last Wed and they did the eye tests again to check his eyesight. The first one the machine which determines the eyesight still showed poor eyesight showing that he needed glasses for sure. I still didn't believe it because of watching Kaden for the past couple of weeks and not seeing problems with him seeing things. I was frustrated but just continued praying about Kaden, his eyes, and my emotions. So then we went into the room and the assistant again tested his eyes manually and still was getting the same results as the machine. So the Dr came in and I told her I just don't think his eyes are that bad and that I was really confused with the eye results, so she tested them again. Before she started I reminded Kaden to at least try even if he doesn't know what the pictures are and that when he is done we will go out for a treat just the two of us. SOOOOO as soon as I said that he looked at the screen and told us every single picture. After really testing him it was concluded that his eyesight is almost perfect and that there is not much need at all for glasses. We were so relieved and thrilled about the news. I even told the Dr that our entire church has been praying for him as well as many other people and that I believe that God has healed him and his eyes. We are so happy that Kadens eyes are fine and are so thankful of this miracle. God is truly amazing and all powerful!

Welcome to the world Brennan!!!

2009-11-21T12:32:00.000-08:00

On Thursday, November 19th 2009 at 9:31 pm we welcomed Brennan Christopher W. Jensen into the world. He is a healthy and beautiful little boy with dark eyes. Brennan was 20 inches long and weighed 6 pounds and 3 ounces. He was anxious to get out and we were lucky that we made it to the hospital.

On Thursday, I started feeling contractions around 4 ish, they started becoming more consistent around 5:30 ish and were around 3 min apart around 8:30. I still was not convinced to go to the hospital but with my brother telling me I needed to go, I finally decided I would call Josh at work and head over there. We got to the hospital at 9:13pm, made it to our room at 9:20pm, and he made his entrance at 9:31pm. It was really quick that no one else made it to the hospital and the only reason a Dr delivered was because he had been called in, to deliver another baby. Since the other baby wasn't ready to come out he quickly delivered Brennan and then left in order to deliver the other baby. It was very exciting hearing for the first time that we had a baby boy and as soon as the Dr announced this, Brennan peed all over the Dr., most of the nurses, and me. The Dr and nurses said that they have NEVER seen a newborn pee this much ever. It was pretty funny!

It was also fun to see the look on my parents and Josh's parents faces when they walked into the room and realized that the baby was already here. I was bummed that my mom missed it, especially since she has been at all my other deliveries.

Brennan is doing great although his Billirubbin levels are off so he has to lay on a billi blanket until told otherwise by the Dr. Since he has to be on this blanket we are patiently waiting for the company to bring us a rental blanket over so we can go home and see the boys. We will post pictures soon!

Finally answers on more then one thing....

2009-11-13T14:07:00.000-08:00

So after waiting for over 2 1/2 hours at the Dr's office we finally got answers. Kaden does not have mascular dystrophy. We are so relieved and excited and are so thankful that God has answered our prayers and has healed our little boys eyes. The Dr did inform us that Kaden has a blonde fundus which is somewhat like being light skinned just making his macular and other parts of his eyes pale. The worst case scenario is that he could possibly be nearsighted later but not much chance at all of being blind which is such a praise. We take Kaden back to the specialist in 4 months just to re-examine him and he will get his eyes checked again on Wed because his eyesight was appearing to be different then at the first visit. The first visit it showed his eyes as being 20/50, 20/60 but today it looked like it was 20/30 in each eye which is another blessing in itself. God has truly protected and healed our little boy. I am so thankful for everyone and their prayers as we have struggled through this trial.

We also received an answer for Josh's job which we were not too thrilled with but know that Josh has something in mind for us. Josh got a call today saying that they had an over-welling response for the internship and that after considering Josh for the position they decided to hire someone with previous experience as well as more computer experience. We are bummed but realize with so many people out of work with experience that they are more qualified for the job making it a difficult time to start the process of moving up. We are going to continue looking for jobs within Purina until we are able to look outside of the company. We have to stay with Purina for a year as they helped us with school and if Josh quits now we will owe lots of money to the company for their financial help with Josh's schooling. We are praying that something would appear for Josh and have also decided to apply again next year for the internship. Josh has also decided that he will take some computer classes this upcoming semester in order to give him more knowledge of computers which is becoming important within many companies. We are excited to be able to stay in Flagstaff, but are bummed to not start the process of moving up within the company.

All I can do is PRAY!!

2009-11-12T19:56:00.000-08:00

These past two weeks I have felt like I am on an emotional roller coaster. I am not quit sure how to deal and feel like I am just falling apart. I am so worried about tomorrow and am going crazy with emotions. Part of me wants to know what if anything is going on, but at the same time I feel like after tomorrow all hope of healing might be gone. I pray that God would heal Kaden and his eyes, but am prepared for the worst. I know that God is going to do great things with and through Kaden which helps in comforting me because God has the perfect plan for my little boy.

I am so thankful for all the people who are praying for my family and my little boy and have really felt God's love and tenderness through the numerous people which God has placed in my life and has used to comfort me. Through using these people I have been able to feel like God is holding me in order to help me through this time in my life. It has brought me closer to God through prayer and scripture allowing me to make it through.

Psalms 34:18 - brokenhearted for Kaden

2009-11-09T10:56:00.000-08:00

My grandparents recently sent me a card which has helped in giving me just a little bit of peace as well as helping me in emotionally making it through this difficult time in my life.

The God who spoke STILL speaks....
The God who came STILL comes.
He comes into your world.

He comes TO DO what you can't
Because He is with you,
He will bring you through this difficult time.

Psalms 34:18 says "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted."

This has really helped in reminding me that God is with me and is feeling my pain, the only way I can make it through this time is by turned to Him. I am so brokenhearted and have felt that I can't go on, but God is helping me in continuing on by turning to Him. It is also a good reminder that no matter what the results are that God is with me and is comforting me through this time. We are praying that the specialist that we are seeing will be able to clearly know what is going on with Kaden and are praying if it is something serious that God would heal him or that there is something that can be done in order to protect our babies eyes.

More prayers for Kaden and finally results for me.

2009-11-04T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well......we received a call today from Kaden's eye Dr and after showing all the information and pictures to another eye Dr they feel that he should see a specialist as soon as possible. So we have scheduled an appointment for next Friday which is the 13th of November. We are relieved that we will at least know what is going on by the end of next week other than waiting and waiting in order to get results. We are still very concerned and worried about results but are continually giving it to God. We are praying that God will heal this perfect little boy and that if Kaden does have Macular Dystrophy that he will have the non progressive type which according to the Dr is more common then not. I am still hurting for my little boy and don't want to see him ever have to suffer. I don't want him to lose any of his eyesight and I just want to protect my baby boy. I am thankful that we are able to get into a specialist earlier then we thought.

So I went to the Dr yesterday who informed me that I have no gallstones and that all my organs look great according to the ultrasound. She went onto saying that the walls of my gallbladder were very thick, meaning that it is very inflammed which she is pretty sure is causing the pains. This could be due to earlier gallstones or a blocked duct from a gallstone which is unable to be seen with an ultrasound. My Dr hopes that these pains and inflammation will go away and if not after the baby is born I will go in for an MRI to see if anything is blocked in order to determine if the gallbladder will still need to be removed. I am relieved to know why I am having this pain and am praying that nothing is blocked and that maybe the baby is causing it to be inflammed.

God is testing us again!!!!

2009-11-02T22:20:00.000-08:00

Wow so this has been a HUGE year with lots of testing and learning patience as well as learning to continually trust on God. For starters we found out that it is not my gallbladder causing problems, yet we do not know what is causing the pain. My Dr was 99% sure that it was my gallbladder and I am so thankful that I pushed for testing. Now we are back to the beginning of determining what is going on. Luckily I am due soon so that if more testing is necessary it won’t harm the baby and at least with it not being my gallbladder I wont have to have surgery. So we are hoping and praying that it is nothing serious that will maybe be fine once everything is not so squished.

Josh and I are really learning patience with not knowing what is going on with the internship. We are still patiently waiting to know if he has made it to the next phase or if God has something else in mind for us. I know we are more anxious with it getting so close to my due date and that has really stressed us out.

Finally, I took Kaden to the eye Dr today because I have had concerns with his eyes as well as his teacher. Well at first it turned out good and we found out he needs glasses which is hard for me especially since he is so young and he needs them all the time. ANYWAYS with doing the eye exam the Dr saw something she didn't like and she expressed GREAT concern for this. Of course in front of Kaden making him know something is wrong. So I asked her what was going on and she said it appears that he might have Macular Dystrophy which can cause vision problems which could eventually cause him to be legally blind depending on the type and the progression. I of course am freaking out, there are a bunch of kinds of this dystrophy some more severe then the other. It is most likely hereditary and was possibly passed on from Josh or I (most likely me because it is more common from the mother). This also means if this is what it is that Ashton and the baby will have a 50% chance of getting this! We go back in on the 18th for another eye exam as well as seeing another Dr to see his thoughts. If they still believe this is what it is or even not but are still concerned as to what it is, Kaden will have to go to a retina specialist in order to verify exactly what it is. I was hoping Kaden didn't hear much of what the Dr said but I think he did because he asked me to pray for his eyes today! So now we have to patiently wait to see another doctor in order to have a more clear understanding of what is going on. We are trying to not worry and give everything to God because we know there is nothing we can do at this point. It has been so hard to give it all to God though because it seems like it has been one thing on top of another.

Proud of my hubby and Halloween

2009-11-02T08:09:00.000-08:00

Josh has just turned in his last paper and is officially DONE with school! I am so proud of him for sticking with school and finishing. It has been a long three years with two kids, a hard pregnancy, Josh working lots of overtime, and Josh going to school FULL time. I could not be prouder of him and am excited to see where this schooling leads us in the future. Josh truly amazes me!

We are still waiting to hear about the job in Iowa and should hear sometime this week (according to the lady that interviewed him on the phone). Josh and I are ready for a change and ANY job that is days instead of nights. We did hear that Flagstaff is not hiring anyone due to a hiring freeze so the likelihood of staying here is not very high. We are continuing to pray about this internship and that God will make it known as to what we should do. We are also praying that we would find out soon if Josh will be headed out to Iowa within the next week or two for a face-to-face interview. We hope to find out about this soon especially with the baby being SO close.

HALLOWEEN

The boys had a blast on Halloween it was the first time that Josh was able to be with us due to him having to work in the past. Josh and Ashton were both Pirates, and Kaden was Darth Vader. I dressed up as a farmer only because the boys made me and it was the only thing that fit! =) I will post pix soon! We went downtown with lots of family and friends and then took the boys trick-or-treating with the Wallace's in my brothers neighborhood. It was a fun day but we were ALL exhausted by the time we got home.

God is really giving us patience

2009-10-22T15:46:00.001-07:00

Well God is definitely giving us patience with all this waiting. Josh had a great interview today and not we wait for a week or 2 while Purina decides if they want to give him a second interview. If they do he will be flown out to Iowa either the first or second week of November (hopefully the first because it is further away from my due date) for a second face-to-face interview. We are just praying that if Josh is given this opportunity that the baby will stay in and wait to be born when Josh is home. Then we will be waiting again to find out if he was chosen. The good news is that we found out he will actually be making more money then he makes now, which is awesome and causes us not to stress at all. We are amazed at how well they take care of people going into management within the company and it makes Josh really want to move up instead of staying in his current position, but it also causes him to want to stay with the company. We know that God is in total control and that God will really show us where he wants us and what he wants us to do. God is truly amazing and we are excited to see where he might lead us even if that means moving away from my parents and Josh's family! I am scared of the possibility of moving but know that there is no need to have this fear because God will help us through.

Prayer Please

2009-10-20T17:52:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a BUSY week and we can use lots of prayers! Josh is working on finishing up his last two weeks of school keeping him busy with homework. One Thursday at 11:30, Josh is having a phone interview for the job in Davenport, Iowa. Josh is pretty nervous about this first step and could really use some prayer as we begin this process. We would also like prayer for Josh and I to know if this is a good move for us and if it is where God is leading us. We are pretty excited that things are starting to move though with Josh's work.

On Friday I am going in for an ultrasound of my gallbladder in order to determine how it is looking as well as what might need to be done once the baby is here. I am relieved that I will know for sure what is going on so that I wont have to be worrying about anything serious. Also I am supposed to go in for an H1N1 flu shot but am freaked out. I don't know if it is better to have the shot or to just deal with the flu if I get it. I just wish I knew what to do which would protect both myself and the baby.

2 weeks and 6 weeks!!!

2009-10-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that Josh only has 2 weeks of school left, we are SOOOOO excited. It will be nice to be able to spend time with my hubby that does not involve homework, papers, or ANYTHING with school. The boys are so excited and have had fun planning a party for daddy and figuring out what they can make him to show him how excited and proud they are of him!

I also can't believe that there is only 6 weeks until my due date (according to the ultrasound, I still think I am due earlier so we will see). I am so anxious to find out what this baby is but I am more anxious to see if my gallbladder issues will go away once this baby is born or if I will have to (most likely) have surgery removing my gallbladder a few weeks after having the baby! The boys are very excited about the soon to be baby and are hoping that they will have a sister and not another brother, we will see though. Hopefully they wont be too bummed if and when we have a boy! =) Three boys, that is a scary thought, but hey if God gives me three boys then I must be able to handle it!

Ready to have this baby!!!

2009-10-12T22:00:00.001-07:00

I have decided that I would rather be in labor or giving birth then dealing with the pain of my gallbladder. I have been in almost constant pain for weeks now from about noon until I finally fall asleep at night. I cannot even explain the pain, but am ready to have this baby so I can deal with this pain through either drugs or surgery. I have tried dieting but nothing seems to work and nothing kicks the pain. One thing that I have realized is that I become an emotional wreck when I am in pain, and I become quick to become angry and am so impatient with my family. I have SOOOO much respect for my mom in seeing how she deals with her pain without taking it out on others or even becoming a grouch. I don't know how she does it but I am striving to be more like her.

Frusterating People

2009-10-07T22:21:00.000-07:00

It has been an interesting week. We had a 4D ultrasound on Sat which was fun. We were able to see the baby smile and yawn, it was very cool. The ultrasound tech did take a pix of what the baby is and then made the comment "Don't look at the DVD or CD ROM because it is VERY OBVIOUS as to what this baby is." This was extremely frustrating because I would think it would be more obvious if it is a boy instead of a girl, so I am mad because I didn't want to have any clue as to what this baby is! SOOOOO I finally got over it only to have my in laws bring over a friend today who "believes" she is psychic and can tell the future. The whole family knows we don't believe in this and that we have NO interest in having someone tell us our future.

WARNING I AM ABOUT TO VENT!!! =)

So ANYWAYS, this lady has the nerve to just walk in and say:
"you are having a boy"
I said what? Excuse me? No one knows except for God and a couple ultrasound techs.
She said, "I can definitely tell that you are having a boy, but don't worry the next one will be a girl"
I told her I was done after this one especially with having such a difficult pregnancy and that if I would have known it would have been such a hard pregnancy that I would have reconsidered getting prego.
Of course she asked what problems I was having...which if I had thought quicker I would have told her if she really is psychic that she should know the problems that I am having, but of course I didn't think that fast.
Well anyways my emotions got the best of me and I know that she and Josh's ENTIRE family knew that I was extremely pissed off with this lady, so the lady as she left said:
"Don't worry you will have a quick and easy labor and delivery, but you need to change your attitude."
That of course pissed me off more. Seriously why can't people, especially when you don't know them just keep their mouths SHUT and why could my in laws NOT stick up for me when they know that I am having a hard time, and they knew that this lady was making it worse.

ON A GOOD NOTE:
Josh has 4 weeks left of school and only 10 papers left and he is done for GOOD. Also the boys are going to stay with the in-laws this weekend in order to give Josh and I a well needed break .

5 more weeks and counting....

2009-09-27T09:43:00.000-07:00

As of tomorrow Josh will have 5 weeks left of school. He is starting his last two classes EVER! We are so excited because it has been a long 3 years and I can't wait for us to have all this free time to spend as a family. I am so proud of Josh for continuing on even when things have been tough. It has taken a long time but it is going to be so worth it in the long run. Now we are just praying for God to direct us to our next adventure whether it is here in Flagstaff or in Iowa. =)

More prego Complications...

2009-09-23T14:34:00.001-07:00

So I have been having these really bad pains which often last a good portion of the day. I FINALLY asked my Dr. about them today and found out that it is my gallbladder acting up. UGGG. There is nothing that I can do because of how far into the pregnancy I am, so the only thing to do is to change my diet and eat extremely healthy! The crappy thing is that all the foods that cause the pain are the foods that I crave (like Pizza-yum). The Dr said that the pains could go away when my stomach is not so squished but if not then we will have to look into what needs to be done! So seriously I already have 2 surgeries planned for once this baby is born, but what is one more! =) I have to go in and get some veins removed because they have become painful due to the pregnancy and they are not likely to go away and I have to have my umbilical hernia fixed (thanks Ashton). This was my excitement for the day but at least the baby is doing great, and I guess that is ALL that really matters!

6 weeks left....

2009-09-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

YEAH! Only 6 weeks and Josh will be done with school forever, the sad or crappy thing is although he only has 6 weeks he has at least 20 paper left to write between now and then! I am going to be relieved for him to finish so then we can have some time to relax before becoming a family of 5! I have to admit that it is scaring me to think that we are going to have 3 kids pretty soon. Kaden actually made a couple funny comments the other day in reference to us having 3 kids with only the 2 of us (Josh and I)....

(Kaden to Ashton) "When mom has the baby we will never be spanked anymore because dad and mom will be to busy!"
(Ashton back to Kaden) "YEAH!!!! No more spanks."

(Kaden to Ashton) "When mom has the baby there will be 3 of us and only 2 of them, we will get to do whatever we want."
(Ashton back to Kaden) "YES!!"

It was so funny hearing Kaden telling this to Ashton and Ashton was so excited. They were not too happy when I informed them that having another baby meant that we would be strict in order to make sure the baby doesn't get hurt and that they will get spanked when they need it.

Things are going well with the pregnancy besides being tired ALL the time and getting sick again! I am relieved that a lot of my stress's which I had previously has been reduced, which I know is really helping me especially with having such a tough pregnancy! I am finally seeing how simplifying my life is really beneficial to me and my family! Now I can concentrate more on the pregnancy as well as being excited to meet the baby and to FINALLY find out what it is. I am going crazy not knowing, although I am sure it is another boy, which is okay because we at least have a boys name! =)

The boys are doing good although I have been really impatient with them which is not so good. I have been having a hard time with being alone with them at nights, and am really struggling with Josh working nights. It seems like they will be wonderful during the day but turn into difficult children at night. I keep praying that my struggles will go away and that I will have more patience for my children

Emotions

2009-09-08T21:26:00.000-07:00

Today has been a tough day! I am really struggling with my hubby's job and him working nights. I often feel like I am a single mom and am wondering why we decided to have another baby. I am willing to do anything...including moving...in order for Josh to get a regular day job. We are still waiting to hear on the internship for Josh but are praying that he will get it either here or in Iowa in order for Josh to start moving up within the company.

I just feel so lonely ALL the time and feel like I am constantly hanging out alone or with just me and the boys. I know that I need to be careful with my emotions in order to prevent falling into depression especially since I had postpartum with Ashton and this is likely to occur during my pregnancy, but it is hard not too.

On a good note Josh has 8 weeks left of school until he will be done forever! It will be so nice to not have to proofread anymore papers for awhile!

1 week down 9 more to go!

2009-08-31T18:07:00.000-07:00

With just getting into the swing of classes again Josh and I are realizing this is going to be the longest 9 weeks EVER. Josh has completed 2 of his papers but has 16 more to go in the next 4 weeks! =) Not only are we dealing with the pregnancy, two kids, and long work hours, but now we have the stress of school, yet one last time. I can not believe that Josh will be done in 9 weeks (if we can make it that long). I am so proud of him for continuing on with his crazy schedule and with having a family. He amazes me, but I have to admit I will be so relieved once he is FINALLY done and I never have to help proof read another paper EVER again!

One a good note we will one have a few weeks to go (in the pregnancy) once he is done with school, so we will have a little time to prepare for the new baby! The pregnancy is going well and contractions have eased a little as long as I take it easy (which is hard to do with two kids).

10 more weeks!!!

2009-08-24T20:33:00.000-07:00

Josh is starting classes again tomorrow. We are both NOT looking forward to this because it has been so nice having my hubby all to myself instead of to the computer during his free time. Only 4 more classes and 10 more weeks and Josh will have a BS in Business and will NEVER have to attend school again unless he gets the urge to go for his Masters. =) I cannot believe that Josh will be finished with school after a little over 3 years of pushing himself by taking extra classes while working full time. I could not be more proud of him! =)

Once Josh is done with his schooling he will hopefully be moving up within the company either locally (doubtful) or in Davenport, Iowa. If we end up moving we will be leaving either this January or in June. A part of me is excited about the opportunity to move but at the same time it will be hard to move away from family especially since we will have a newborn. We know that God will direct us to where we need to be.

Life changes

2009-08-21T22:26:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks have been FULL of surprises many of them good, many not, and many which have been extremely painful. Many have helped us in getting closer to God.

This past weekend Kaden started Kindergarten, he is going to the ONLY school which offers a half day program and he loves it. Today he had show-and-tell and of course he brought in his Caterpillar that he caught the other day. He was so excited and was hoping to scare some of the girls. He was bummed that he didn't scare ANY of them! = ) We are so thankful that we were able to get him into this school and really feel that it is the best decision especially with Josh's work schedule. I adore my time with Kaden and he has really helped me getting through some difficult times but giving me a hug or just crying with me. He is such a sensitive little boy but has really helped in showing me his love for me.

Josh has also applied for a job in Flag at Purina as the logistics manager assistant and is hoping that they will choose him although they would have to train him here (instead of Iowa which is where they usually send the trainees). We are not holding our breath on this one. Josh also recently applied for the same position in Davenport, Iowa. This would mean that we would be moving in either Jan or June of this year if he gets the job. We have mixed emotions on this because it would be fun to have the change but at the same time we want to be close to family especially with the new baby. We are just praying that God would direct us to where HE wants us to be and not where we want to be! =)

Ashton just turned 3 on Wednesday! I can't believe that he is already 3, because it seems like just yesterday that I had him! He had a lot of fun on his birthday though and got to spend some special time with just him, daddy, and lady (the dog) at the lake. Then that night we went to Papa and Nana's house to celebrate his birthday. Whenever anyone would tell him "Happy Birthday" he would say with a smile "Happy Birthday to ME." It was so cute and he was so excited, he is actually still singing happy birthday to me. =) This child is definitely like his mama through which is not a good thing and has been really testing Josh and I as parents. It has been a huge struggle especially recently and it always makes me wonder WHY ARE WE HAVING ANOTHER ONE??? Ashton can always put a smile on my face though and has really cheered me up lately with his smiles, funny faces, and teasing. I can count on him to put me in a good mood.

Onto me...Josh and I recently decided I needed to make a change at work and get rid of one of my two jobs. Once making our decision I was shocked to learn that God had laid it on another heart for me to get rid of the opposite job (which ended up happening). This has been REALLY hard on me even causing me to doubt my relationship with God. Luckily though it has really helped me in growing through all the pain and hurt of the situation. I may never understand why this happened but it is helping me to trust in God, knowing that he is in control and that he will help me to get through the hurt and pain.

Baby Jensen....baby is still a mystery and will remain so until delivery! =) The pregnancy is going better now, the cramping and contractions have eased except when my emotions have run crazy (which has happened A LOT lately). The cervix is still looking good and heartbeat has remained strong. We are anxious to know what the baby is but are excited for the surprise!!!

Praise the Lord

2009-07-27T21:48:00.000-07:00

So I went to the Dr again last week and my cervix was longer and back to normal. This is incredible news and Josh and I were just in shock when the Ultrasound tech told us. From everything we have read we know that a cervix can change and have heard of people whose lengths have gone back and forth, we are just praying that it will always go back to being normal. I am still taking it easy since it was requested for me to be on partial bed rest, so I am making sure to still do that in order to hopefully help my cervix in not getting worse.

Partial Bedrest

2009-07-22T20:17:00.000-07:00

So my Dr put me on partial bed rest today. I am only aloud to do things that are absolutely necessary and other than that I have to lay down. It is really hard to do this when you have two kids. Luckily Kaden is 5 so he can help out some. I also got put on some nasty meds to stop the contractions and stop the cramping. I haven't taken any yet but have heard that it is like drinking an entire pot of coffee and to plan on a migraine for a couple of hours, so it should be fun! =) I guess as long as it stops any progress of the cervix it is okay!

I go in tomorrow for another ultrasound to see if there have been any changes within the past week, if so it could mean strict bed rest so hopefully everything is the same or better. I have to say that this pregnancy and this baby has really brought me to God through prayer. I have been on my knees so much already and the baby isn't even here yet and hopefully will not be for at least 16 or 17 more weeks.

Thanks everyone for the prayers it is greatly appreciated and is a huge comfort.

Prayer Please

2009-07-20T13:23:00.001-07:00

Well I just found out last week that my cervix is already starting to shorten. Since I am only a little over 20 weeks this can be a serious problem as it can put me into preterm later causing a miscarriage. The cervix should not start shortening until right before delivery so even a little bit of shortening can be serious. There is a possibility that I will be put on some nasty drugs to stop the contractions and I could possibly be put on bed rest. I am of course concerned about losing this baby but am praying that my cervix will stop shortening and that I will have a healthy baby born at term.

So we officially decided not to find out what we are having this time, so that I wont be as disappointed when we have another boy. I am sure it is a boy but I would rather find out after I have him and can see him, so then I wont have the disappointment. The baby looked great on the ultrasound, so the only concern now is my cervix.

Baby and school

2009-07-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

So Josh and I have officially decided that we are not going to find out what we are having. It is going to be really hard, but I think that it will make everything so exciting. I have finally reached the halfway point and we get to see the baby again on Wed for our ultrasound which is exciting.

Josh is almost done with school which is SO exciting. He finishes his current classes on Monday, then has a 4 week break before he continues on for the last 10 weeks of school. He is set to finish on Nov 2nd so just in time before the baby arrives.

Other news is that starting in Aug. Josh will begin the process of applying for training positions within Purina. We are so excited to begin the adventure of moving up in the company, even if that means that we have to move. We are praying that we could find something here but know that might not be possible so are taking everyday one step at a time and praying for God's direction in this major decision in our lives.

My babies!!

2009-07-13T21:48:00.000-07:00

Heartbeat

2009-05-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

We were able to hear the heartbeat yesterday, which was awesome. I was hoping we could finally hear it although a part of me didn't want to because then I would have gotten an ultrasound, but oh well. The Dr said that the baby is sounding good. I was very excited, although I had wanted Josh and the boys to be able to come in and hear and they were unable to because of course Ashton is sick again! Our one concern is that 5th disease had gone around our church which can be very dangerous for pregnant women so we are hoping that Ashton doesn't have that, because I am not immune to it. I am having to get tested every couple weeks in order to make sure that I am still negative. So we are praying that I stay negative!

2009-05-26T23:16:00.001-07:00

Josh and I had a wonderful time on our vacation without the boys. It was really nice to get away and be able to spend some times together.
This was in Belize on a cave expidition.

On one of the rivers in Belize! This was the river were the opening of Indiana Jones "Raiders of the Lost Ark" was filmed!

This was in Grand Cayman, the beach was beautiful here and the water was so nice.

We climbed the Dunns River Falls! It was awesome!

Us all dressed up for our formal night on the ship. It was so much fun! You can even see my baby pooch! =)

Slacker

2009-05-20T15:38:00.000-07:00

I have been such a slacker!!!

I now have a 5 year old and one that will be 3 in three months. Time is sure flying by. Josh and I recently went on a cruise with NO kids and had a wonderful vacation. We met some wonderful people and had a blast going to Jamaica, Grand Cayman, and Belize. We are already ready to go on another cruise in a couple years. We had a wonderful time reconnecting and just being alone.

Kaden is close to being done with preschool and is getting ready to start school. We are still trying to decide what to do for his schooling because the kindergarten is full day which we know will not work for our family with Josh's schedule at work. We are hoping that something will pop us so he can go somewhere for part day and if not I will have to lower myself and homeschool him, which I am NOT looking forward to. Kaden is doing good though and is such a big helper to me with his brother.

Ashton is such a hyper child and has SO much energy ALL the time. He is a lot of fun though and loves his big brother. He just recently started using the big boy potty and is doing awesome!! We did have to break down and order him some Mickey Mouse Underwear from the Internet because he has been asking for that underwear for over a month now and we figured he must really want them, so I finally located some. He was SO excited and looks in the mail everyday for them, but hey whatever helps the potty training. =)

I finally finished school and received an associates of applied science in Medical Office Assistant, if I want I can take a test to become a medical assistant, but we will see if I decide to do that. Josh is still in school and will be graduating on November 4th with a BS in Business Management. He currently has 8 classes left counting the 2 that he is in now. We are so excited about this because it has been a long time coming. In Aug he will start applying for Internships within his company, it is looking like we will have to move to Iowa for a couple years. We are not looking forward to this but are willing to do it if this is where God is leading us!

Life sure is crazy!

2009-01-14T19:58:00.000-08:00

So wow our life has been crazy over the past few months and it is just getting crazier! I start an internship next week which means on Monday's I will never see Josh. I am very concerned about this because I feel like we never see each other anyways. I can already tell that this semester is going to be a tough one. Josh is still in school and wont be done until October, but at least there is an end in sight. That is definitely helping us in making it through. Although then we also have the stress about the possibility of moving to Iowa when Josh is finished in order to begin moving up the ladder within the company. This is scary but at the same time is exciting. I just pray that we will know exactly what God wants us to do once Josh is finished with his schooling. With all the stress in our crazy lives, I just pray that we have time for God, each other, our kids, our family, and our friends. We need to remember what is important and not forget about it with everything going on in our lives.

I can't wait for today to be over!!!

2008-12-29T14:35:00.000-08:00

Wow today has been crazy! First, Josh and I were in the kitchen and the dogs started fighting, so we hurried to quite them and all the sudden saw tons of blood. Luckily Josh was home because I was a little freaked, well anyways our big dog lady bit of part of Gidgets ear. So of course Josh had to run the dog to the vet! Not fun! Well then the boys were taking a nap and all the sudden I hear Kaden scream. So I went running upstairs and he was crying hysterically. So finally he said he bit his tongue, well I looked and no blood. Finally, he told me he bit the Christmas lights that were on his bed. So I looked and one was broken with no pieces anywhere in sight. Well he swallowed it, but luckily it is so small that nothing can be done, so we didn't have to go to the Dr's or the ER. I was relieved. I can not believe that it is my almost 5 year old who is biting things, you would think that Ashton my 2 year old would be the pain. So now I get to make sure that he poops it out, so this is going to be fun! =(

Praise the Lord

2008-11-11T13:36:00.001-08:00

Well the doctors were getting ready to do Aubrey's second spinal tap, but the doctor decided to recheck the test results form the first test. After looking at them again she realized that the results had been read wrong and that Aubrey doesn't have meningitis. Praise God. She still has a rare blood infection and a rare case of the flu. This is still dangerous for such a small child but she has been on meds since the beginning so things are looking good. She will still be in the hospital for another couple days. Continue praying that she will get over the flu and that the blood infection will be gone. Also pray that there will not be any side effects from any of the medications that Aubrey has been on. We are so thankful that she doesn't have meningitis and that they found out before putting this poor baby through another spinal. Thanks to everyone for all their prayer and love for my niece and family during this time.

God is always in control

2008-11-10T13:36:00.000-08:00

Wow these past few weeks have been crazy! So I am still waiting to go in to get more test results to find out why my hands are numb, but at least a lot of things have been ruled out! Then on November 4th my niece Aubrey was born. She is absolutely beautiful and of course made me want a girl! =) Well she was put back into the hospital on November 7th because she had lost so much weight. After she was in there they started testing for many different things not knowing if it was meningitis, blood disease, kidney or liver problems, or a urinary tract infection. It came back that it was a blood infection (disease) that was causing the problems. So all of us were thrilled knowing what was going on and that it could be treated. Well just today we hear that it is a rare form of meningitis that is connected with the blood disease. We are not really sure what this means, except that they are sending her in for another spinal tap, and a CT Scan to check for any brain damage or fluid build-up. They will also be rechecking her hearing as well as doing other tests to check for any damage. We pray that this next spinal will come back clear and that Aubrey will become a healthy little girl.

FINALLY RESULTS AND AN ELK TOO! =)

2008-10-22T21:39:00.000-07:00

Well finally on Friday I got the news I have been waiting for, and of course the doctor called early in the morning on the First day of hunting season! =) Well she said I have changes on my spine, pause________ but no MS. What a praise, but I do have what is called Syrinx which is a spinal disorder and I was either born with it or got it in an accident. It can also be caused from a tumor but it sounds like that is not the case with me. This can cause some of the numbness, tinglyness, and weird feelings but not all of them! The hands are definitely not from them, so we still have to figure that out! But at this point it doesn't sound too severe. The Syrinx can get bad to where it would require surgery but it doesn't sound like it is going that way either. So I am just so excited that the news was way better then expected! So that started my weekend off with a bang! (literally)

On Saturday night my hunting buddy Lena got herself a big elk, which was awesome. Of course I was bummed because I didn't get one but I was so excited for her and the fact that she had a kill shot at over 200 yards. She did awesome especially for her first time.

So then I went out hunting more and finally on Monday we went to the same spot that Lena got her elk, and we sat and waited. Well after waiting for about 1 hour, my brother Drew said very quietly "Beth, be quiet grab your gun and turn around" I thought he was joking because it was still early, so I turned around and said "what?" He told me again "Be quiet and turn around." So I did and saw a baby elk and said "No Way" I want a big one. Then Lena and my brother whispered look to your left and there was another Elk. It looked really small because it was down hill and the grass was really tall. I told them I don't want a baby and they said it isn't just shoot it. So I got ready and it started to move, so I told Drew to call it and he did the elk stopped and I shot it. Well after I shot I had it in the scope and it didn't move, not even a flinch. There were 4 other elk and they barely ran away, they were still staring at us! So Drew was telling me reload I think you missed it. So I reloaded looked back in the scope and didn't see the elk. So I looked at the other ones to look for blood and said I missed it and they are not even scared of me should I shoot a different one? Then Lena said "you got it, it stood there for a few seconds took a couple steps forward and just dropped." So we started heading over and I actually got it and it was HUGE it wasn't a baby (thank goodness). I was so excited. I do have pix but I can't find my camera but as soon as I find it I will post some pix!

So the funny part is that 4 years ago I got an elk on October 20th, which was my niece Evi's 1st birthday. When I realized that my hunt was over her b-day again I told everyone I will get it on her b-day just watch. I didn't even realize until I got to my parents that it was on Evi's b-day again, so I thought that was hilarious! At least I will never forget the day that I got my first two elk! =)

The Wait goes on

2008-10-15T16:00:00.000-07:00

The worst part is not knowing and waiting to hear news that you probably really don't want to know anyways. I have called the doctors office so much that they probably think I am crazy! I seriously doubt that I get any news today and this waiting is just stressing me out. I am trying hard to give it to God, but it is so hard! I can't get my mind off of it. Hopefully soon we will have answers and be a little bit closer to what is going on! I just need to trust in God! Who knows maybe he is testing me on patience right now! =)

More Waiting

2008-10-14T19:15:00.000-07:00

Went in to get my other MRI today! I was only supposed to be in the tube for 25-30 min and ended up being in there for a little over an hour. It was quite scary this time. After about 45-55 min the tech pulled me out and told me not to get up but said they needed to get the dye into my system. He said he needed to get a better look because he SAW something. Then he said don't worry though and said it could just be a mass of fat. Then he goes on saying that the reason it was taking so long on my was the fact that since I am so small, that the fat spots were harder to take out of the MRI pictures because they too were small. So why do I have a large mass? And what is it? So then he puts me into the box for about 10-15 min. It was so nerve recking and I just wanted to cry in there, but I knew that I couldn't move so I just laid there and prayed. Then when I got out I said I know you can't tell me anything but please just let me know from your opinion on what you saw! And of course he said he couldn't tell me anything except for the fact that the spot didn't get any brighter with the dye! So whatever that means! I am definitely a little freaked now and just want to know what he saw! All I know is he saw something that was not normal! I guess we will find out soon enough!

Finally Answers

2008-10-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

Well so far the test came back good. There were no signs of anything in the MRI's. They are sending me in for another MRI of the lower spine just to make sure to cover all areas. I feel peace at this point though.

Waiting

2008-10-06T08:44:00.000-07:00

I had my first MRI on Saturday, it was the weirdest and scariest thing ever. I know that I was shaking the entire time, but I did get a great hour of prayer! =) The worst part was in between the two MRI's the technician came out and asked if I was having any other symptoms. Why was she asking me this? Did she see something in the MRI or was there nothing there and she wasn't sure why I was getting an MRI? Those questions racked my mind ALL weekend long. I called the doctor today to get the results and of course I can't get in today and they are wanting me to wait till tomorrow to get my results.

The nervousness of waiting to get results from doctors is so frustrating. I just want the results so that I can have a peace of mind. I am just praying the God will give me a peace and help me to relax today and to trust in him. God helped me to get through the MRI and he can get me through the waiting period.

The scripture that keeps popping in my head is Psalms 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet water, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

It is amazing that this scripture is giving me the comfort that I need in my time of waiting and fear.

October 3, 2008

2008-10-04T17:19:00.000-07:00

So I am trying this thing out. I figure I might be able to keep more people up-to-date on what is going on in our lives.

We just took our kiddos on a trip to Texas. It was the longest trip ever and I will never drive that far again with the kids. We were in the car for about 18 hours each way and that was not fun. We had a great time getting away though and were able to spend time with Josh's family on the ranch. The kids were able to chase the goats and sheep and they got to spend some time with their cousins. In all we had a good trip but it is really good to be back home.