Another Blog

A few months ago I started a new blog because it really helped me through my second miscarriage...well it is now helping me in being about to vocalize my thoughts about my life right now. A friend suggested I share it so here goes! http://miscarriagestruggles.blogspot.com/

Three times REALLY????

There are a lot of questions that I want to ask God such as why God allows things to happen to us. I want to know why he gives us things to only take them back months or weeks after he had given them to you! I want to know why he allows you to have the same thing happen over and over again....3 times to be exact. Did I really need to go through this pain 3 times??? Wasn't one time and at least two times ENOUGH?? WHY THREE??? In the past 10 months...my heart has been filled with so much joy and excitement only to have that taken away and have my heart crushed and shattered three different times. I feel such a loss and have no more hope. Quotes and scripture: "When you are down and out remember, God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers." Author unknown. "Peace is not the absence of trouble but the presents of Christ." By Sheila Walsh "Keep calm and carry on." "When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you dont throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer." Corrie Ten Boom "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

God works in mysterious ways

Recently I was asked to talk about depression at my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. I really didn't want to and even kept saying that I just couldn't do it. Through lots of prayer and encouragement from friends I felt like God was pushing me to speak...so I did. It went GREAT...way better then expected. God really helped me, by calming my nerves, giving me peace, and helping me in writing and telling my story with depression. With anyone who knows me they know that I HATE talking in front of people...I freak out, shake, sweat, and often have panic attacks, but God is SO good because as that was starting to happen I received a text from a lady in my Bible study which said "Joshua 1:8 'Be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.' Praying you sense God's presence." As soon as I got this I began to feel comforted, I began to pray and I felt COMPLETE peace. I still cried as I talked but the nerves were gone and I could feel God holding me as I spoke. Through writing and telling my story I felt so much healing. I also felt so much support from many of the MOPS moms, which really has helped me. It was so hard telling these women my flaws, thoughts, and feelings that I have struggled with throughout the years. But I know that even if this didn't help any other women who might be struggling it has truly helped me with speaking out about my struggles.

Before my friend and I spoke we looked up videos to open up our talk. We found one that was perfect. There are two sentences in the beginning which refer to Suicide...but the rest of the song just reminded me of things that I feel. So we shared it with our group. I wanted to share it here.



JOSH UPDATE


Life has been crazy here. Just last week Josh started his new job which is currently on days. We are so excited that he finally is working days even though it is only until September. We are praying that a permanent day position will open but are so thankful to have him home at nights until Sept. We have been praying for a day job for 8 years!!! It has been hard getting use to having a husband home at night, but I am LOVING having dinner with him and watching the boys spend more time with him.

KADEN UPDATE

We are still struggling with Kaden's eye. We think that things are going great then we have another downfall and are unsure of what to do. We just got a note home from the school saying that during an eye test at school it showed that his eyes were not good...with his glasses. I just dont know what to do. We have been to a pediatric eye dr who fixed his prescription and we were recently there when we were told that we finally got the right prescription. I am so frustrated because he already has bad eye sight and the thought that his eyes are getting worse really scares me. We are going to try and go to another dr to figure out what is going on. Kaden is doing well in school, reading better, doing great on math, and just enjoying his class.


ASHTON UPDATE

Ashton is doing well in school. He is really enjoying it and is beginning to learn to read. He is starting to see a speech therapist for some of the letter sounds that he struggles with, but we are hoping that he wont have to see the therapist for long and that he will begin to get the letter sounds down.

BRENNAN UPDATE

Brennan has just started to be potty trained. He is doing pretty good...only one accident yesterday! YAY!!! He did get the wall and me while sitting on the potty though...lol He thought that was hilarious...especially when he got me, he couldn't stop laughing. Hopefully he doesn't think that is a game now! =)

yeah for new jobs.....taboo topics!!

I am so excited to have my hubby home for nights soon. Even if it is only for a few months! I feel so blessed to even be getting this opportunity! God is SOOO good!

I have met with and talked with a lot of women lately who have recently or previously gone through a miscarriage and one thing I don't get is why is it such a taboo topic? It has helped so much talking to these ladies especially since we have gone through similar tragedies! I just dont get why so many people feel the need to keep quiet, because every time I open up I feel so much more at peace.

Each new life... No matter how fragile or brief... Forever changes the world. *Unknown*

New Job!!!

Praise the Lord...Josh finally got a new job after about 4 years of trying!!! He is still at Purina and will still be working a crappy shift but he finally has a job which will allow him to start moving up within the company or that will allow him to go for other jobs at another company in the future! We are excited and blessed that God has allowed for Josh to get a different job! Josh should be starting the new job soon and until Sept will be working the day shift while he has training! The boys are so excited that they will get to see their dad more...at least for awhile!

update on Kaden's eyes / LIFE

We went down to Phoenix on Thursday to go to the Pediatric Eye Dr for Kaden and we got VERY encouraging news. The Dr feels we FINALLY got the right prescription and that there does not appear to be any permanent damage at this time. He wants us back in 4 months but until then things are looking good!

Other than Kaden's eyes, life just seems to be going wrong. I am so confused, frustrated, mad, and discouraged right now.

1st - I am really struggling to get on with my life after loss and am having a really hard time. I want a baby so bad and feel so alone and empty.

2nd - I am so sick of Josh working nights!!! We were told that there was a job that was perfect for him and after applying and interviewing we were told that they had someone who was more qualified! We feel so incredibly let down and mad! We have been told once again about another job but feel uncertain towards it!

We are praying that God will direct us in family and in work, and that we will put our COMPLETE trust in him!