Worst day in my life!

The day that mom passed still haunts me. It was the worst day in my entire life and has been a nightmare that I have relived over and over for the past couple months. Friday, Feb 6th, 2015 started like every normal day, I called my mom first thing when I woke up to talk with her and check on her, she had a cold but said she was doing good. She was going to watch my kids that night while I went out for a girls night for a friends birthday. I told my mom I would come over a little early so I could see her some, then said I love you and hung up. I later called her again around 3:30 to make sure she was still good to have my kids, she said "yep I am working on dinner now and am looking forward to playing with your kids." I said are you sure and she said "Ya, I have an annoying little cough but am feeling good."

Around 5 the kids and I left to go to my parents house, I almost got there and my dad called and said my mom had fallen (due to MS) and her oxygen was low so they decided to go to urgent care to get it checked out. I said ok no problem and headed back home. About 15 min after that phone call my dad called again and said we didn't make it to the hospital but that he was calling for an ambulance and he would keep me posted. He then called back about 8 min later and said they are working on your mom. My neighbor was home and came over to be with my kids, while I called my husband and told him to leave work. I then called my best friend to say I wasn't coming to the party, and she said she was coming with me. So she met me at my brothers store, because I was under the impression my mom was either on her way to the hospital or in the ambulance headed there, my brother had the impression that they were working on our mom on the side of the road close to their house. So I sent my husband to my parents house, and we waited for a phone call. After 30 min of not hearing anything we decided to head towards my parents house. My best friend drove me there which was good because I was a wreck. The entire car ride we tried calling my dad, husband, and ER to try to locate my mom. I kept telling my friend that I knew my mom was gone because someone would have called me. My friend kept telling me to stop thinking that way and to think positive, but I knew.

We got to my parents road (they live on a dirt road), and I saw all these lights (ambulances, fire trucks, police cars...so many cars). There was no ambulance so I got a glimpse of hope that it had taken off with my mom and was at the hospital or on its way there.  Then I saw it...I saw a mound on the ground with a white sheet over it and I knew, I knew without a doubt that my mommy was dead. I started screaming even before my friend stopped the car and I started saying NOOOO that is my mom....no. I came out of the car screaming, calling for my mom and saying no that is my mom...please God no. My dad, husband, and brother came over and we all were crying together. I remember feeling as though I had no strength in my legs, but I remember my husband holding me and keeping me up off the ground. I felt so weak, all I could do was scream, cry, and stare at my mom who was laying on the ground under the sheet. It was the absolute WORST sight and time in my life ever!

I miss my mom so much, I miss her advice, her wisdom, her hugs, and love. She meant the world to me and she is so missed by everyone she knew. I know my mom was in pain for so much of her life and I know she is now walking perfect, seeing perfect, and in absolutely NO pain; but I need my mom I wasn't ready for her to leave me. I never got to say goodbye!

 

I love you mommy! You were the best mom a girl could ask for, not only did you love me but you loved my husband and our kids unconditionally. You are so missed mom!